Sexual Abstinence Game Plan

Questions?  Need some good date ideas? 

Advice?  email me: chastityrocks@hotmail.com or IM me on MSN Messenger: chastityrocks.

Don't buy into the lie that you cannot control yourself!
 

Sexual self-control takes planning ahead and making a commitment to yourself.
 

• Make a list of the reasons you want to wait. Your reasons will be challenged so you will need to be focused.
• Write down some long term goals for your future.
• List the freedoms of saying “no” that are most important to you. This will help you focus on the benefits of waiting instead of the pressure others might place on you.

Set-up your own dating rules

• Set standards with your dates from the start. Some dates will assume you will have sex. Explain your sexual abstinence commitment up front.
• Don’t put yourself in a position to be pressured.
• Don’t test your limits. Trying to experiment on how far you can go without having sex will fail. Pregnancies and STDs can happen without full penetration.
• Date someone who respects your decision and won’t pressure you.
• Be prepared to say 'no' when he (or she) pressures you to have sex! Decide in advance what you'll say. Below is a list of some lines and some comebacks to them.
• Don't drink! Alcohol clouds your judgment and makes it a lot harder to say 'no' when you need to!
• Hang around friends with the same values that you have.
• Go out in groups. Don’t spend much time alone together.
• Get to know each other as people, not sex objects.
• Plan your dating activities. Show affection in a non-sexual way by being creative in your dating plans. Remember dating doesn’t always need to be an evening activity.
• Don’t try to hang on to a relationship with sex. If sex is holding you two together, you’re deceiving yourself about the quality of the commitment.
• Avoid sexually oriented movies, TV, music, etc.
• Be prepared to break off the relationship if you are pressured. Being pressured means your date cares more about sex than what could happen to you.
• Remember, you are worth waiting for. Don’t settle for the lie that life is one constant romance after another. Lasting relationships happen when people take the time to truly know one another and work together toward long term goals.
• Don't get into a serious relationship with someone too soon! When you're exclusively dating one person, the temptation (and expectation!) for sex is greater.

   

Refusal Skills (Comebacks)

At some point, almost everyone will be pressured to have sex. Here are some ideas on how to say no. Don't let the other person think that you are depriving them of something. It is their problem if they want to put themselves at risk for diseases and pregnancy. End the discussion quickly.  And after you've firmly said "no", move on to talking about something else.

The Come-on: 
Trust me. I won't let anything happen to you. 
The Come-back: 
You don't have control over the whole situation. You don't know what is going to happen afterwards and I don't want to take the risk.

The Come-on: 
I've been tested and I'm clean. 
The Come-back: 
It's nice that you've been tested, but I'm looking for someone who doesn't need to be tested because they are waiting like me. Besides, STDs aren't the only consequence of having sex. There is also the possibility of pregnancy and I'm definitely not ready to be a teenage parent!

The Come-on: 
SHOW me how much you love me. 
The Come-back: 
I am showing you how much I love you by waiting.

The Come-on: 
No one will find out about this. 
The Come-back: 
I will, and people knowing will be the least of my problems if I get a disease or become a parent.

The Come-on: 
It will bring us closer together. 
The Come-back: 
If anything, it will make things more complicated and tear us apart.

The Come-on: 
If you won't have sex with me, I'll just find someone who will. 
The Come-back: 
Go ahead. Find someone who doesn't respect you or themself.

The Come-on: 
I'll break up with you if you don't have sex with me. 
The Come-back: 
How sad that you are only with me to have sex. Now that I know this, it looks like you're doing me a favor by dumping me.

The Come-on: 
It's OK, I've got a condom. 
The Come-back: 
Condoms aren't 100% effective against STDs and pregnancy, and provide zero protection from the emotional hurt I could suffer.

The Come-on: 
I'll always love you. Let me share this with you. 
The Come-back: 
If you will always love me, then it won't make a difference if we wait until I'm ready.

Final Note:

The guy/girl of your dreams will be the total package (total hottie and best friend material!): Don't waste your time and energy hooking up. Remember: Cinderella didn't lose anything she couldn't get back the next morning!